Recipe to make a Durham finalist

Time: not enough

Take 200g of Online Lectures (140g will just about cut it) and whisk together with 50g of ‘barely knowing what is going on.’ Put to one side and forget about it for a while. Gather the herbs and spices and pound them together in a mortar of ‘my concentration is lacking due to long Covid,’ with a pestle of ‘please may I request a 1-week extension.’ Add 2 Litres of Level 4 Billy B slots and a tablespoon of two-factor authentication. After a couple of minutes, squeeze the lemon of tears and season to preference, (we recommend a sprinkling of ‘nevertheless’ and a handful of ‘moreover.’)

Best served cold with a £4-£7 bottle of wine.


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