Doublespeak for Durham dummies

A concise handbook for saying what you don’t mean

Chapter 1 – Constructing a message

“How are you?”

Classic. Three words – I don’t care. This is simply convention.

“I know you’re super busy”

I’m sure you could take 10 minutes out of your day to do what I’m about to ask.

“Can I ask a MASSIVE favour?”

This will not be a massive favour. It will invariably bely the definition of a favour.

“In the next couple of days would be amazing but no worries if not”

Finish it tomorrow. Or today? Please?

“Just checking in to see how you’re getting on with it”

I’m not wondering how you’re getting on. I expect you to have finished it yesterday.

“Let’s have another meeting sometime next week”

I have no idea what is going on, nor will I know any better next week.

This handbook was nominated for the Orwell Award (for Distinguished Contribution to Honesty and Clarity in Public Language)

Image: PublicDomainPictures from Pixaby

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