DURFC boy completes one month without cheating on his girlfriend

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With Valentine’s Day having just passed, Palatinate is looking to celebrate love. One particularly touching story is that of a DURFC member who has managed to go one month without cheating on his girlfriend. The player has chosen to stay anonymous, despite our urging that he be commended for his achievements. 

Lightning struck for this player in the form of a particularly nasty injury (having been benched the entire season, he had been lucky to abstain from any pitch-based injuries but fell into harm’s way on the steps of Jimmy Allen’s). The player has suffered from limited mobility since, putting a “frustrating” stop to his usual activities.

This streak of fidelity represents an unfortunate break in family history, with the player mentioning his father’s disappointment at the feat. Noticing the player fiddling with his hands, we asked if he was feeling particularly nervous, to which the player laughed and stated that “[he] feel[s] naked without [his] signet ring, but it would be a dishonour to wear it now that [he’s] tied down.” The player was given the ring by his father when he was 16, having cheated on his first girlfriend, marking his entry into adulthood. 

When asked what the biggest challenge to maintaining his new lifestyle was, the player mentioned post-training showers, before quickly moving on to his team’s reaction to his lifestyle change. It seems there is little to talk about now that practice is no longer interrupted by the crystalline ding of Snapchat notifications. Of his treatment he said: “Frankly, it feels discriminatory. I’ve resorted to doing reading on the side of the pitch to look busy.” This has been especially hard on the player who studies Sports Science and has never learnt to read. 

Palatinate inquired as to whether the player would be continuing his clean streak, but as his girlfriend’s blonde highlights are apparently growing out, it seems he is being forced to consider other options. He currently has his sights set on one of his flatmates who he has previously been rejected by twice. He figures this may be his third time lucky. We wish him a speedy recovery, and the best of luck in his future endeavours. 

Image: Samuel Spencer

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