A full-circle evening with Big Thief

By Connor Petts

“Would you stare forever at the sun / Never watch the moon rising?

Would you walk forever in the light / To never learn the secret of the quiet night?”

 – Adrianne Lenker, Big Thief

My first year of university was a write-off. I’m sure a lot of people felt that way, but after ending the relationship that had consumed almost three full terms, I was not feeling optimistic. The person I had lost had introduced me to Big Thief and Adrianne Lenker. I was not particularly a fan of either at the time. Afterwards, a single note from either discography churned my stomach and I was determined never to listen to them again.

Two years later, I stood soaked with sweat and tears in the O2 Academy Brixton, throbbing with the crowd as Big Thief performed a beautiful 17-song setlist that mirrored the soundtrack to my life so closely that I was convinced they were performing for me. How had I ended up here?

It was delicate, tender, moving

The band opened with ‘Incomprehensible’, a memorable track about accepting and loving our imperfect, ageing bodies. I first heard this song in summer 2024 when a recording of a live performance found its way onto my YouTube feed. At first I didn’t make the connection between the woman on my screen and the band I had sworn off. It was sonically so different from what I had remembered. It was delicate, tender, moving. There was something in Adrianne’s voice that exuded a deep sense of compassion and joy. Later, I would come to appreciate the impact of your environment and headspace on the music you enjoy.

It was that song that led me to tentatively explore one of Big Thief’s newer albums, Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You. The first song, ‘Change’, eased me into my second year of university so sweetly that hearing it live brought me back in an instant. The song hadn’t changed, but I had; it now sounded like a message from my current self to my younger self, encouraging him to keep going. Its meaning is simple – if you spend your whole life shying away from challenges, protecting yourself from heartbreak, and only allowing yourself to feel positive emotions, you will miss so much beauty. The idea that a life of complete happiness is a life only half lived is something I hope to remember forever.

Halfway through the set, Adrianne Lenker performed one of her own songs, ‘Real House’. Though the lyrics are deeply personal and specific to her life, I joined a sea of people moved to tears. It would have been difficult not to be when her music explores grief and familial relationships with so much candour. Even when the song transitioned into an unreleased track, ‘Christmas Day’, the tears continued. The selfless way the lyrics celebrate the Earth and all its inhabitants is enough to give the most pessimistic soul hope in the kindness of humans.

The emotional rollercoaster ended on the folky upbeat track ‘Red Moon’. My jaw dropped. I could not believe that the entire group of performers – Laraaji, Dylan Meek, Noah Lenker, and the band themselves – had chosen to perform my favourite song as a 15-minute extended jam outro. It was pure joy. Seeing people that I looked up to so much having so much fun is an image that has stuck to me like glue. All of those other songs had passed, along with their accompanying memories, and the future was bright. The night was over.

That night still carried closure, like I had been moving through life with an open wound that could only be closed by the hands that tore it. I realised afterwards that I had begun to heal

The level of interaction, energetic and verbal, that Big Thief exchanges with the audience is extraordinary. I knew it wouldn’t be the last time I saw them, but that night still carried closure, like I had been moving through life with an open wound that could only be closed by the hands that tore it. I realised afterwards that I had begun to heal.

Music does not dictate our lives, but it nudges us in the right direction. Songs can provide people with emotional guidance through some of the most difficult experiences. Having comfort music helps not only to process feelings but let them go. Music has taught me to accept uncertainty, loss, and growth. To see the beauty in pain without romanticising it. To see the value in struggle and the purpose of suffering. To live a fuller life.

I know it is not Big Thief who have changed my perspective on the world. I have changed because of what I have experienced, and certain meaningful lyrics stood out to me because I was coming to those conclusions and understandings myself. But how wonderful it is to have something constant, like a song, to remind you how far you have come. A permanent time capsule for a forever-changing soul.

Images: Connor Petts.