A day in the life of a humanities student

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12:00 – rise (and shine). Stare at the signet ring on my bedside table. Curse my parents for my private education. Bastards 

12:01 – First rollie of the day 

12:02 – Second 

12:03 – Third

12:05 – Breakfast: black coffee, self-loathing, maybe some cereal. Check MyTimetable: blank for the day. Taxing.

12:15 – Stare at the ceiling, maybe open laptop.

12:16 – Fourth rollie. Baccy running low – anxiety running high.

13:00 – Argue with a niche internet microcelebrity about politics on Twitter. Small victory. Feel elated. 

13:30 – Knitted jumper, skinny scarf. Commute to Flat White – Chai latte (oat milk). 

14:00 – Stroll to the Billy B. The Wear looks lovely today. Post several Instagram stories. Latte art, autumn leaves. Two likes – win.

14:30 – Think about downloading LinkedIn. Realise it’s pointless. Google ‘gap years’ instead. 

14:50 – Fifth, sixth, seventh. Consider quitting; realise my personality is intricately tied to nicotine consumption. Philosophical. 

15:00 – Retweet The Guardian; doodle in the pages of several books on Marxism – look thoughtful. 

15:30 – Work done for the day; reward myself with another rollie. 

16:00 – Debate writing for Palatinate; attempt some poetry. Neither successful.

18:00 – Dinner: something vegan, maybe tofu.

20:00 – Pres. Ocado Sauvignon (feel embarrassed. Tear off label) 

22:00 – Fab’s. Or Osbourne’s. Or maybe Klute?

22:30 – Fab’s. 

00:00 – Sound off about The Smiths in the smoking area – falls on deaf ears. 

01:00 – Bed. Record player on to go to sleep. Cry into pillow. Big day tomorrow. No alarm set. 

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