Some food for thought

By Chloe Goodwin

For dinner I went to an old hidden gem, it’s called Leah’s Kitchen. When I was unwell, my mum and I used to come here. The lamb: luscious, the bread: buttery, and the company: complete. Being young, my mum was my life: she looked after me, she made me laugh, she made me, me. I guess I have come back here, firstly because I had an appointment; secondly for the nostalgia; and thirdly because now, even though my mum is still here, I must do all those things myself. 

As I sat down I realised that I wasn’t alone, little me was waiting in the chair opposite me, her hands grasping each other as though they were hugging. She smiled, the same way I smiled at my mum sat in this very chair. I guess now I have to pay for dinner. 

“Chloe! I’ve been waiting for you, I’m starving,” she lamented. 

Some things remain the same, no matter your age. 

“Me too. Sorry for taking so long, I have been so busy!” I replied. 

“Well, tell me about it. What have you been doing? Where have you been? Wait… How old are you? I’ll have the creamy garlic mushrooms by the way, with some bread, should we share the lamb too?” She squeezed out, breathless. 

“Yes Chloe.”

I smiled, thinking where to begin. There has been so much, but honestly right now all I could think about was this miniature me and how happy she is, how excited. It made me realise just how much has changed, even if our order is the exact same.

It made me realise just how much has changed, even if our order is the exact same

“Well, a lot. Everything has changed, you don’t live at home,” I stated, before briefly being interrupted.

“What do you mean we don’t live at home? How do I take all my medication and stuff? Do I live by myself?” She stuttered. 

“Well, if you let me tell you, I will. You go to university, and you do live alone. But you are also never alone, you’re always surrounded by friends.”

This made me recollect that I have felt lonely at times, but talking to Chloe now, I understand that I have never been lone; she’s been with me. 

The food was placed upon our table by a lovely-looking, young waitress, she grinned at Chloe’s mouth-dropping, borderline drool as the mushrooms were practically being eaten by her eyeballs. 

“Is that everything for you two?” The waitress wondered politely. 

“Yes, thank you,” we said simultaneously. 

Eyes locking and smiling only for a few seconds before we picked up our forks to begin the feast.

“So, what do you study, or we… what do we study?’ Chloe chattered between mouthfuls. 

“English Literature, so a lot of books. In fact, you have just reminded me of one. The Time Machine. You’re like a little Weena.”

Chloe twizzled the singular flower on the table as I was speaking, making me recollect Weena even more. 

“Wait, how much time do we have before you have to go? I’m not going to lie, you seem a little… tired. Has it been a long day?”

“Well, it has been a long year, I kind of wish I was you right now. Don’t worry we have a few minutes,” I replied.

“WHAT! Why? I wish I was you, Chloe, I mean I am, but I wish I could go in the time machine and be the you that you are now,” she pleaded. “If you have to go so soon, can you tell me why you’re so tired, and also why you haven’t finished your lamb?”

Forking my remaining lamb, I began to answer her.

It is tiring aspiring for a future that is written in pen and not in pencil

“I guess you’re right, it would be useful for me to give you some advice. I want you to keep this flowery, blooming, wistful energy. It is easy to get bogged down in the future, and to think too much about it. I don’t want you to remember seeing me and think you must get to the exact position, to the exact me that sits in front of you now. It is tiring aspiring for a future that is written in pen and not in pencil. Embrace the pencil, rub things out. In fact, rip the page out and start again, re-bloom each month, each year. You will find it easy to feel trapped, but you don’t realise just how free you are.”

“Trapped? I can do what I want, and I want to be like you, and you’ve proven I can do it. If you’re free, like you say I am, where are you going next?”

“Well, before meeting you for dinner I would have said I need to go to the train station, alongside many other things. But now I’m thinking, I don’t know. Maybe I will just see where the road takes me. Would you like to come along?”

Image: John Singer Sargent via Wikimedia Commons.