My Lockdown Resumé

By

 
Disappointment


PROFILE 
Incoming English Literature finalist at Durham University with a keen interest in eating baked goods and watching Netflix in bed. Seeking opportunities in the snacking sector. Relevant experience in disappointing others, laughing at my own jokes, and doing the bare minimum.


EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

Freelance Marriage Consultant     August 2020 – Present

  • Analysed and viewed one season of Indian Matchmaking in three days
  • Remote internship studying under Sima from Mumbai
  • Provided unsolicited, yet highly valuable, advice to my immediate network
  • Created biodata for eligible bachelors and bachelorettes and circulated on social media platforms

Real Estate Agent       August 2020-Present

  • Viewed two seasons of Selling Sunset in one week 
  • Commenced an email correspondence with my new landlord

Menu Curator             July 2020 – Present

  • Designed themed menus for my housemates for sophisticated soirées upon our return to Durham
  • Crafted innovative culinary pairings (Biscoff dumplings, palak paneer with soy sauce) 

Administrative Executive       March 2020 – Present

  • Holding administrative positions of power across multiple Whatsapp networks
  • Played an active role in conflict resolution, while exhibiting leadership skills

Visual Artist, Self Employed         June 2000 – Present

  • Created a strong visual art portfolio using various mediums: marker on toilet paper roll
  • Competent in illustrating caricatures, still life, and pets

EDUCATION

Don’t know her, sorry.

Image: Steve Johnson via Unsplash

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