Investigative discoveries on the University housing policy

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An anonymous source has leaked to Palatinate the latest controversial University policy change regarding student housing pressures in Durham City.

Building on the success of the 3rd party privately run model of accommodation, in the most recently built colleges such as South college, leased from a Chinese company, these documents outlined a further shift to a ‘feudal liege-lord accommodation management plan’.

Documents uncovered discussed how the University will grant students 4-acre strips of agricultural land in the outer city of Durham area, with HMO’s designed to sidestep council restrictions on such dwellings through their wattle and daub construction and ‘low-impact footprint’ with zero utility connections such as heating.

Under the proposed plans payment will come in the form of a yearly tithe of vegetables and livestock

Under the proposed plans payment will come in the form of a yearly tithe of vegetables and livestock, to be driven down to the Palatine centre on St Cuthbert’s day and presented to the Vice Chancellor, whom residents will then ceremonially pay homage to.

A University spokesman told Palatinate that “The Vice Chancellor’s Barony in Houghall will add exciting new flexibility to our student accommodation offerings, adding to pre-existing catered Peninsula and self-catered Mountjoy options, in the form of this pre-modern subsistence living package only 3 days horse-ride to the City centre.”

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One thought on “Investigative discoveries on the University housing policy

  • Comme blag?non! Dans les Anne’s feudal cetait les Norman’s. Bof

    Reply

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