A stressed student’s guide to stress relief

With exam season just around the corner, Satire are here with some helpful study tips to ease the creeping feeling you’re going to fail and that you’re not smart enough for Durham and why are you now crying into a JSTOR article? Let’s go!

Hydrate

Struggling with that summative? Why don’t you take a minute to relax, and pour yourself a refreshing class of water or – better still – a G&T or four?

That summative will dust itself off in no time, and you may even feel so energised you submit it without proofreading – how fun! Accidentally spelt ‘faces’ as ‘faeces’? Don’t worry! Accidentally rang your lecturer on their home phone to tell them how much you’re bossing this essay? You go girl!

Eat well

Don’t feel guilty about snacking during such an anxious time. Satire recommends having a healthy snack in between each meal, or if this doesn’t take your fancy, try eating an entire loaf of bread out the bag in one sitting! Health!

Take breaks

Every day make sure you step away from work and clear your head. Dedicate time to activities unrelated to work, like watching TV with family, taking walks or listening to your lame Head of Department explain why “stealing lecturers’ home numbers is inappropriate”.

Blood sacrifice

Goes without saying. Place your sacrificial offering on the Cathedral altar, any lamb or goat you have lying around will do. Don’t worry if the priest looks surprised, he’s just overwhelmed by the quality of your holy sacrifice.

Be confident

Most of all, you just need to believe in yourself. You got into Durham so you are more than good enough to be here, or maybe you’re not and you’re going to fail and there’s no point even trying and you should probably drop out before you humiliate yourself. Good luck!

Photo: Jan Vašek via Wikimedia Commons

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