A ‘lil’ interview with Lily Cecil-Wright
By Poppy Reed
I had the privilege this edition of getting in conversation with Lil, a UCL student who has grown a personal brand built around connection, to ourselves, to others, and to the world. I first became aware of Lil through one of her daily positive reminder videos popping up on my TikTok algorithm, and I loved the message she was spreading. Alongside her studies, she hosts supper clubs and retreats, writes a newsletter, and teaches yoga. Her work grew from a personal journey of recognising the anxious, self-sabotaging voices she calls her ‘over-thinker’ and ‘hyper-achiever’, and learning to live beyond them.
Tell us a bit about yourself and what you do.
Hey, my name is Lil. I have a personal brand based on what I have learned that brings me (as a human, as anyone) the most pleasure and purpose. I host supper clubs and retreats, write a newsletter and teach yoga, all things that bring us connection to ourselves, other people and the world.
Clearly, I like to do stuff. I am always busy, but until recently, I was unaware of what was driving me, and it meant that my mind and body were in stress-achievement rather than creative excitement (which is what I spend much more of my time in now).
I named the anxious drivers in me my ‘over-thinker’ and ‘hyper-achiever’ — self-sabotaging voices that lead from the narrative “you aren’t enough as you are,” “you will never do enough”. It is the desire to overcome these voices that led me to start my newsletter, and the byproducts of what I discovered are my supper clubs, retreats and growing ‘Lil brand’.
Comparing to others doesn’t help, it distracts us from what we actually want: true confidence in ourselves, regardless of what others are doing and thinking around us
Like in Durham, at UCL, where there’s a strong culture of ambition, how do you deal with the pressure to always be “on”?
It’s packed with hard workers and ambitious creative people… well, at least at a glance. The student centres and libraries are always full. If you want to find evidence for why you aren’t as hard a worker as someone else, you will find it! What’s cool to realise, though, is that if you WANT to find evidence to prove you are hardworking and capable, you can find that too. It is very much a case of what we choose to focus on. Comparing to others doesn’t help, it distracts us from what we actually want: true confidence in ourselves, regardless of what others are doing and thinking around us.
When you try to step away from your screen, what do you find most difficult?
Funnily enough, I tried a day without my phone and wrote on a post-it every time I reached for it. By the end of the day, I realised it wasn’t so difficult to suppress the dopamine-seeking urge of picking it up for a scroll — I got over that by just leaving it out of sight, and to be honest, I was desperate for time off it. The hardest thing was organising life without it; it required a lot of pre-planning and cooperation from friends and family. The trouble isn’t so much our strength in stepping away, but the fact that life is so constructed around our phones that it affects every aspect of yours and even others when you turn off for a bit.
If someone feels stuck in a cycle of anxiety and constant productivity, what’s one small change that helped you?
It’s not one, but it’s three steps, all essential for getting unstuck. There are lots more examples on my blog, from dating to family to career dilemmas. Check out The Lil Hub to read.
1. AWARENESS
Notice you feel stuck. How does that look? Are you ruminating? Procrastinating? Avoiding? How does it feel? Like the world is caving in, or just a bit on edge? The important part: feeling stuck is a response to fear. What are you afraid of? Worst case scenario? E.g. “I will fail and not be respected.” “I will let myself and others down.”
Most importantly, get it out of your head, write it down, speak about it. In your head it gets messy, and you just end up overthinking.
2. SELF-COMPASSION
Bear with me; this sounds woo-woo until you understand the logic. Self-compassion is NOT self-pity; it ensures you don’t end up a victim. We are simply saying to ourselves, “you are allowed to be scared”, so you stop wasting energy fighting feelings (which never works) and free yourself up for step three. It will feel uncomfortable because your mind and body are screaming for a solution — and you’re saying a big “fuck you” to them and sitting in it. That’s the point. Set aside time to feel the fear: listen to music, write, cry. Let it out, accept it, let it pass.
3. SELF-EMPOWERMENT
The best bit. This is the action stage: forward-looking and hopeful. (Don’t let your hyper-achiever skip straight here though, or you’ll end up back at the beginning). Think about WHAT you WANT, HOW you want to feel, WHO you want to be, and begin taking action. Write a list of 10 things that make you feel confident. List the difficult things you’ve done this past month. Maybe write a short letter from your older self to your present self. Start collecting alternative evidence, evidence that you are capable, that you have reason to feel confident, and that regardless of what you do, you are ok as you are.
If you are a foodie living in London, or want to know more about Lil’s events and writing, she welcomes anyone to check out her website https://lil-heart-hub.lovable.app/
Image: Lily Cecil-Wright
