82% of students reported to have ‘cold feet’ for the Billy B

Palatinate can reveal that a record number of students are beginning to have cold feet for the Billy B. This comes at the same time as the University’s festive initiative to “keep Durham cold.”

A spokesperson for the idea, Isla Frost told us how “it is quite bizarre. The library has always been such a warming environment, I don’t see how the initiative, which has as its core values miserliness, meagreness, and utterly Scrooge-likeness, could have possibly affected this!”

Some have speculated the arctic-like weather could have been induced by the cold-hearted decision of the maths department to hold their exams in person this year. Another scientist sported a guess that it could be something to do with the weather and some clouds? I don’t know – full disclosure I wasn’t really listening to him, scientists can be quite boring.

It is most widely believed the conditions were caused by the Billy B being unable to acquire the energy needed to power its heating, as all the city’s electricity was needed to support Lumiere.

We had hoped to interview a student at the library for comment, but those on Level 4 would not so much as look up at us and another was too cold to move their mouth.

Image: Durham University

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