Me, Myself and I: the importance of time alone

By Thea Nikolova

I was having my breakfast cup of coffee and scrolling through Facebook like it was the morning paper, as I usually do, and I came across a series of lovely photos from a friend, captioned “embrace being alone to avoid feeling lonely”.

For some reason, that sentiment stuck with me, and I think about it fairly often, because it is the neatest, most concisely put together way of phrasing my own philosophy in life. Being alone doesn’t always have to mean being lonely.

There is a lot of pressure, in our lives, to make ourselves available to others at all times, in person or online. Having a mobile phone that tethers you to the vastness of The Online means friends who get upset if you don’t text back immediately, and tutors who expect near-instant email responses, essentially meaning you’re not alone even when you are, physically, not surrounded by others. But there is a lot of demand for your physical presence too: miss one too many get-togethers, and you get labelled a flake, excuse yourself early, and you are a buzzkill.

you’re not alone even when you are, physically, not surrounded by others

But if you can’t be constantly on demand for texting, and you can’t be on the sesh 24/7, what is there to do with your time?

Of course, there are the usual solitary activities: read a book, write in a journal, put your phone on airplane mode and watch that movie you’ve been meaning to see for ages now – but those are all things that can feel quite physically isolating. We’ve come to associate the concept of me-time with being permanently stuck in your room, never seeing the light of day. For some people that’s fine, but it can become a trap in of itself – a routine too hard to break.

Embrace being alone to avoid being lonely. You don’t have to always be around people, to exist in the world. You can go and see a movie on your own. Or go to a new place to eat that you’ve been meaning to try, but your bestie is too broke to join (and you’re too broke to treat them).

For a long time, my aloneness kept me paralyzed in a permanent state of FOMO – there were people having so much fun, and I couldn’t because my friends weren’t interested in the events, or couldn’t afford to go, or cancelled at the last minute.

Then I went to the cinema alone. No one talked in my ear, and I enjoyed a great movie (Deadpool). Then I went to a formal alone, made friends with the people at my table, and danced on my own. Then I went on holiday alone for a few days, and took myself out to a posh dinner.

It was a welcome and enjoyable break to be able to dedicate this time to myself. I always came back feeling refreshed and well-pleased.

Treating your alone time the same way you treat your time with friends – as something precious and important that you should pay attention to – is the key to not feeling like you’re wasting away while other people are having fun. It doesn’t have to be full of grand gestures to yourself. Even if it’s just ten minutes to have a cup of tea, take the time to be in the moment and enjoy it, and you’ll be that much happier for it.

Photograph: Pixabay Creative Commons