Giant takeaway review

co-ordinated by Molly Fowler, Hugh Anderson-Elliott,

You can hardly walk down any street in Durham without noticing the copious amount of takeaways luring you through their doors with what promises to be a gloriously greasy, quick and calorific meal. The only problem seems to be the sheer number of them; with so many takeaways vying for your dosh it can be difficult to choose an establishment to visit – especially if your judgement is somewhat addled after a quaddy too many purchased at Klute.

Thankfully, one seemingly nondescript Thursday evening at the DSU, fourteen philanthropic students decided to put an end to your takeaway related confusion by answering once and for all which are the best takeaways Durham has to offer. Judged on taste, appearance and value, we bring you the best pizzas, Indians, Chinese, and everything in between. So next time you find yourself craving a takeaway fix, you can rest safe in the knowledge that you’re making a highly informed decision. No need to thank us, we can assure you the task wasn’t entirely without personal gain…

Indian

Spice Lounge
0191 383 0927
After being warned of a brotherly rivalry between the owners of Spice Lounge and Capital, a family feud so close to the bone that the owner felt the need to provide us with the most expensive, labour intensive, and elaborate curry on the menu, we are proud, although slightly afraid of possible familial repercussions, to reveal that Spice Lounge stole the title for the Indian category. Its rich and succulent king prawn masala was flavourful and filling, and caused a feud of our own over who was granted the last mouthful. Although our particular dish was slightly on the pricey side, the average main at Spice Lounge weighs in at a reasonable £8.
Appearance: 5/5
Taste: 5/5
Value: 4/5

Balti Spice
0191 375 7070
A close second, Balti Spice provided us with their Balti Spice Exclusive Dish. It definitely deserved its VIP status, as this was by far the most exotic curry, consisting of lamb, chicken, king prawns, egg, coriander, a bay leaf and, to the surprise of the judges, an entire cinnamon stick. Definitely a good curry to order in and try to pass off as your own, and we can only imagine it would fuel much discussion if ordered whilst slightly inebriated.
Appearance: 5/5
Taste: 4/5
Value: 4/5

Alishaan
07876 359 898
We felt privileged to tuck into a delicious Lamb Sagwala, which was not only tasty but also attractively green and fresh looking due to a healthy amount of spinach. Unfortunately its vegetarian offering let it down, as it was slightly bland. Although the mains are a bit on the pricey side, Alishaan offers a generous 20% discount to students, which definitely, if you will excuse the pun, curried favour with us.
Appearance: 4/5
Taste: 3.5/5
Value: 4/5

Rajpooth
0191 386 1496
Regrettably Rajpooth’s dishes were felt to be slightly less fabulous, as their curries were very oily and contained slightly lower grade meat, as well as fewer vegetables, meaning that the judges were inclined to stop eating after a few mouthfuls.
Appearance: 3/5
Taste: 2/5
Value: 3/5

Taj Mahal
0191 378 0043
Although we were sold on the accompaniments, being provided with mango chutney, poppadoms and copious amounts of rice, we were slightly less impressed by the fact that the meal took over an hour to arrive – not ideal if you’re looking for a quick dinner or a curry to line your stomach before a night out.
Appearance: 2/5
Taste: 3/5
Value: 3/5

The Capital
0191 386 8803
Unfortunately our judges were less than impressed with this offering. The meat was so fatty one of the judges considered spitting it out instead of continuing to try and chew it, and it was sadly lacking appearance wise too, with someone referring to it as ‘oil with a side of curry’.
Appearance: 1/5
Taste: 3/5
Value: 3/5

Pizza

Pizza Uno
0191 384 4444
Flavour town! The pizza we were given was very cheesy and full of toppings, with a layer of meat under the cheese proving to be a particular favourite. The only downside was that it was unfortunately a bit too intense, and was so rich and dense that we could only manage a couple of slices.
Appearance: 5/5
Taste: 4/5
Value: 5/5

Urban Oven
01913849649
A hot new pizza place, the judges were very excited about trying Urban Oven’s pizza offerings, although its daring and unusual flavours succeeded in dividing the group. After sampling their chicken tikka and sweet chilli pizzas, some were sold on the unique taste, whilst others found themselves craving a more traditional margherita or pepperoni. A major bonus was that they definitely looked attractive and inviting.
Appearance: 4/5
Taste: 3/5
Value: 3/5

Dominos
0191 384 4777
As we sunk our teeth into the pizza Dominos had deemed their finest – the Meateor – we had to concede to its deliciousness, despite it being seen by some as a shoe-in to win. The base was delicious with a nice crispy crust, and the toppings were scrumptious with lots of different tastes exploding in our mouths. The only downside is how expensive one of their pizzas is to buy – never mind TGIF, thank goodness for Two For Tuesday!
Appearance: 4/5
Taste: 4/5
Value: 2/5

Patrick’s Pizza
Although known for being the most fabulous place, like, ever, to frequent after a night out, unfortunately Patrick’s Pizza proved uncomfortably average in the cold light of day. A sub par margherita and a BBQ chicken pizza that tasted of nothing but onions and a greasy and dull appearance left us sorely unsatisfied.
Appearance: 3/5
Taste: 3/5
Value: 3/5

Chinese

Peking House
0191 384 2768
After a disappointingly soggy prawn cracker, we were thankful for a sweet and sour chicken so tasty that it more than made up for our initial scepticism. Yes, we know that ordering a sweet and sour at a Chinese takeaway is slightly akin to flogging a dead horse, but it was an enjoyable meal.
Appearance: 4/5
Taste: 4/5
Value: 3/5

Century Chinese
0191 384 5601
Greeted with another tasty sweet and sour chicken dish with pieces of high quality chicken (somewhat hard to come by in the takeaway world), we were slightly deterred by the appearance of the dish – we know that orange is the new black, but this sweet and sour was so bright that it definitely succeeded in deterring our appetites.
Appearance: 3/5
Taste: 4/5
Value: 3/5

China Diner
0191 514 3816
Our deep fried duck and chicken in gravy didn’t quite make the grade, despite being the chef’s special, with the gravy leaving an oddly unpleasant aftertaste, the chicken proving rubbery in texture, and the appearance of the dish described by one judge as looking ‘diseased’.
Appearance: 1/5
Taste: 3/5
Value: 2/5

Mr Choi
0191 386 9933
Oh Mr Choi… The judges made quick work of this meal, declaring the spring rolls too oily, the flavour of the chicken chow mein to be bland and unappetising, and the appearance as boringly beige. It is true that at £7.50 for the entire meal this is the cheapest Chinese in Durham but, overall, a bland and forgettable entry.
Appearance: 1/5
Taste: 2/5
Value: 4/5

China Express
0191 384 6888
The only good thing that can be said about China Express is that it sparked heated discussion, although unfortunately all that was being discussed was how awful the food was. The main was perceived as conceptually confused, consisting of prawns, chicken, beef and an assortment of vegetables, although did succeed in achieving a somewhat revolutionary taste of washing up liquid according to one of the judges – at least they get marks for innovation in flavour. Appearance wise this one succeeded in turning both heads and stomachs, as it was very oily and the meat was drowning in a radioactive looking sauce. Someone even went as far as to say it looked like someone had already eaten it. Ouch.
Appearance: 0/5
Taste: 1/5
Value: 1/5

Other
Stantons
0191 565 8139
Already a firm favourite amongst students, our mouths were watering as we began munching our classic good ol’ fish and chips. The cod was beautifully encased in a crisp and crunchy golden batter, and the chips were a mass of soggy salty goodness, perfect for soaking up alcohol after a night out at Studio. We all know fish and chips are considered as something of a staple food in Britain, and Stantons definitely ensures that this sterling reputation continues.
Appearance: 3/5
Taste: 5/5
Value: 5/5

Subway
Although long queues are seen forming outside Subway from around 2am most nights, it seems the drunken banter is more worthy of recognition than the subs. Both our Meatball Marinara and our Italian BMT were soggy, messy, and flavourless. We know that bread is supposed to miraculously cure a hangover so can recommend it as an antidote for a heavy night out, but nothing more.
Appearance: 3/5
Taste: 3/5
Value: 3/5

3 thoughts on “Giant takeaway review

  • Right chaps – where on earth is pizza king? I can only imagine that, due to integrity of the owners, there was no bribe offered for your gluttonous panelists! This fine establishment blows all competition out of the water, whether it be pizza, birthday pie, garlic pudding or even mystery meat. The sheer doughiness of the base alone puts the king leagues above any other Durham takeaway, the counter staff are banterous, always offering jollification of the highest level, whilst the delivery men (or ladies – who are in fact very chosty) are so keen to deliver your goods that one of my friends was once nearly run over by one of them. Of special mention is the 16″ ‘Bin Lid’ pizza, almost as tasty as it sounds, and also the ‘Extra Large House Special Kebab for 2 persons (which, if you are a real man, like me, can eat solo).’ So, overall, your rating should be:

    Appearance: 5
    Taste: 5
    Value: 5

    Yours,

    Tom Kelly
    The Kebab Prince
    DUBLC (Durham University Bin Lid Club) Treasurer

    Reply
  • Tom Kelly: if you pay attention to the menu items and layout, you’ll realise that in actual fact Pizza Uno and Pizza King are the same chain. We speculate there is an underground passage linking the two… All the same, they deserve a higher score for PARMO!

    Reply
    • Fucking pervs Arabs if you speak them nicely they give you free pizza and will try to fuck you pizza king and UNO both

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.