A well-meaning Durham student takes offence at the unawareness of skiing among the state school community.

To my dismay, I have found that some students have never had the joy of an apres-ski and live their lives in a constant state of pre-ski. Not only does this negatively affect their grades, physical appearance, and ability to sit on a high horse. It also has terrible implications for their love lives.

After returning from an uneventful winter break with his family in St Albans, the student placed himself carefully into a seat of a lecture theatre in the Chemistry Building. To his utmost surprise, a girl that he had never spoken to before, turned to make conversation with him. His adulation was understandable, I spend most of my lectures on my own – perhaps it is because I am still in bed most of the time.

Nonetheless, I believe it to be quite the achievement to receive attention from the other gender in the Chemistry Building. Sadly, like Romeo and Juliet, this story takes a turn for poisonous. As, to his dismay, the lady to his adjacent uttered the question, “So then, where did you go on your ski-season?”. At this point I shall interject. This fresher – from St Albans – has never been skiing in his life, I’m unsure if he can even comprehend what a pair of skis are, beyond their propensity for rustic-yet-chic wall art. Let’s just say he panicked. “Croatia” he responded with more confidence than any fresher should possibly have, especially after he was sure his aunt had just returned from there with an even tan.

The story becomes rather tenuous from here on in, and thus, I will retell it how I see most likely. The female to his adjacent turned her back to this poor helpless fresher. It would appear that unlike Romeo and Juliet these were not two star-crossed lovers, in fact, it was fate that they shall never speak again.

So, there you have it, you’re better off staying in your bed, just like me.

Image: Robinseed via Wikimedia Commons

4 thoughts on “A well-meaning Durham student takes offence at the unawareness of skiing among the state school community.

  • Is this a joke? Having been to a standard state school who ran a cracking Austrian ski trip every year…. saved up my paper-round money to afford it…. and have been thrashing affluent private school kids on and off piste since – then went to Durham in 2001-4 to do my BSc. Before moving on to medicine and still tearing it up on skis to this day…. I find this article epitomises everything that I despise about certain “private school” wannabes…. Have some decorum before slandering those of us not fortunate enough to have parents that could throw their cash at our schooling…. / other extra-curricular activities…. frankly – I feel the palatinate should take this down.

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  • This is under the banner of “satire”…needs to be moved to “shite”. Seriously hope the author is pursuing chemistry not creative writing as a career path, as there won’t be cash for the next generation to go private with this kind of output. My advice: write better or give up

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  • Yo lmao all I did last summer was play 8-Ball pool

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