By Emerson Shams, Food & Drink editor and self-proclaimed Masterchef
Step 1: Enter your dismal student kitchen and search for a clean pot.
Step 2: Fill pot with water, make sure it’s gone through a Brita though as only idiots drink straight tap.
Step 3: Put on Mr. Brightside. Mandatory part to becoming a masterchef.
Step 4: Put water to boil, with salt (make sure to add the flavour by sprinkling it in like SaltBae).
Step 5: Open cabinet and take out 20p Tesco spaghetti and a jar of pesto. If you wanna spice up your life, I recommend getting Tesco’s animal pasta (only £1ish) though, so you can pretend that you still haven’t grown up.
Step 6: Cook spaghetti and drain. Attempt to find a clean colander, but if you can’t, don’t worry, slowly pouring it out and hoping all your pasta doesn’t fall out too works perfectly well.
Step 7: Add pesto to pot. Stir with a metal utensil to ensure the worst sound you ever heard mixed with pot coating adding some nice flavour.
Step 8: Add parmesan cheese, aka the life source of the dish. Be plentiful, you are at home, no one will judge you for using the entire bag.
Step 9: Take pot into dining room/living room/everything room and navigate the labyrinth of yours and your housemates’ things to get the only comfortable seat on the couch.
Step 10: Turn on Love Island, take picture of your meal, and eat.
Step 11: Add pot to growing ecosystem of dishes in the kitchen and hope a housemate buys a new pot you can steal tomorrow.