Mrs Elvet sorts you out
Dear Mrs Elvet,
I’m heading abroad next year to Barcelona and I’m going to miss Durham. How can stop myself from becoming homesick for this lovely city?
Future ex-pat – Van Mildert
As an undergraduate I lived in Paris, sucking up the sights and sounds of the Rive Gauche as well as the men. I must admit I missed my dear Durham most terribly, and kept a picture of dear Klute in my wallet at all times. But never fear, one can survive this long-distance relationship. Barcelona doesn’t seem so different to Durham really; there are fortresses and huge cathedrals and even a bailey. Find your Klute and your tweed-bedecked gentleman (or lady) and you’ll be right at home!
Dear Mrs Elvet,
I had the most fantastic Valentine’s Day! My boyfriend of all of three weeks arrived at my house in the morning armed with champagne and a basket of gourmet goodies to cook me breakfast. He then arranged for a treasure hunt around Durham where I discovered all manner of treats, including a Tiffany bracelet. Unfortunately my single friends did not have as memorable a day and are bothering me with their continual rants about ‘men’. How do I stop their constant complaing? It’s really killing my buzz!
Annoyed – St Mary’s
Darling, there’s nothing more off-putting than a woman scorned (or single), unless of course you’re single and the woman in question is in a perfect relationship. I have experienced both sides and know which I prefer to reside on. Practically, I’d suggest you invest in a pair of ear plugs to cut out their incessant crying. If you really want to shut them up however, why not arrange for them to go out with your boyfriend’s friends. It might mean future Valentine’s days will be spent in competition and not complaints.
Dear Mrs Elvet,
Why are people so mean? This week I’ve been yelled at on the train about my large suitcase, chastised by my lecturer over “not putting in effort” and reported to my JCR (in the most embarrasing of ways) for having a male visitor in my room. Whatever the reason, the people in question have not acted politely, they’ve just become angry. I have a good mind to stay cocooned in my room until the summer!
Upset – Josephine Butler
My dear, let me say this. Certain people have very ‘small’ feelings, and in order to make themselves feel ‘bigger’ they love to exert their power in whatever way they can. Be it leaving you as a lover or giving you short shrift on public transport. My advice is two-fold. Picture them naked and vulnerable in your head, with you laughing at their, uhum, parts. And secondly, harden up my girl. You’re never going to get any where in life if you get upset at the smallest issue – and you literally won’t get anywhere by staying in bed (unless you’re joined by a well-oiled Italian!)
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