Indigo Editor’s Blog – 739
Ah, a beautiful day in Durham. Walking home this morning, the sun was bouncing off the rooftops, and when I passed over Palace Green the mist was lit up with a dazzling orange glow. There were birds. I had coffee. It was a happy time. I felt inspired to do things: I should climb a mountain this summer. And organise a music festival at my house. Yeah! And who says I can’t start up my own business selling customisable mugs? My mind reels in epiphany: I can do anything!
When I get home though, I fall down in a sad heap on the sofa. I’ve entered the gloom of the curtained living room and the cup of tea and cookie I’m about to have seem far too appealing. I’ll definitely do my work in a minute; first I might just watch a little bit of Greek. I don’t care, it may be completely unlike real life as I’ll ever know it, but at least I don’t have to think about all the things I actually need to get done. I don’t even have to consider how little I care who these characters are or why they’re whining at each other. Tomorrow I have no lectures. Nothing needs doing right now.
Suddenly it’s three hours later and I’m mysteriously in a dressing gown. I look around the table in front of me; I seem to have emptied a packet of biscuits, a pot of yoghurt, several cups of tea, and I’m currently eating ice cream straight from the tub and watching Come Dine With Me with a housemate. I’ve seen it before though – it’s the lady with the New Orleans soul food who ends up winning. Hang on a minute. How did this happen? I’ve become a tragic anecdote! And it’s down to apathy. Go away apathy, I can’t be bothered to deal with you. Meh off.
This living room is definitely a motivational drain. Whatever drive I had when I came in (to do my work and generally sort out my life) has vanished. I know that the day after tomorrow I have an essay deadline, several hours’ worth of seminar work to prepare and extra-curricular activities to fit in, but right now, the most attractive option is sloth. I’ve dealt with bigger workloads. I can handle it. I can be lazy today, and then pay off the work debt with a rushed, stressful all-nighter. How important can sleep be?
It’s early morning. I’m almost finished with my all-nighter, and bathed in the cold blue glow of my laptop, I fake an out-of-body experience. It’s pretty much the same as a real one, only more realistic. It involves a mirror. I look sad, working hard. Hungry too. I should’ve brought more snacks upstairs. And my room is a mess, I should really sort it out. Is this a builder of kingdoms, a pioneer, a hero? Not exactly. I need to hold onto this memory, just like the one of my Palace Green epiphany. Somewhere between those giddy highs and dreary lows is a path towards success. No, I’m not going to start up a business: I don’t want to do that. But I am definitely capable of a lot more than this. From this day forward, I resolve to… mnergh. Oh no, it’s 11am! I fell asleep on my keyboard! Again! Keyboard face-imprint crisis! What life-changing revelation was I just having? Never mind. I’ll just go back to sleep. I’m sure it’ll come back to me.