Snowed Under: The Queens Navy
by Stuart Flegg
With the arrival of the so called ‘summative season’, I think that almost everyone is feeling a little snowed under at the moment. The fact you are reading this probably shows that, like me, you are neglecting a far more important assignment which was due yesterday and which you’ve only managed a hundred words of so far.
Things are significantly worse for me because I have made the decision to run for a position on the college JCR and campaigning is running this week. Elections are important and I would urge any Snowbies reading this to vote. Not necessarily for me (I write on the orders of my JCR chairman) but vote all the same. I doubt Palatinate would endorse a single candidate anyway so I’ll just have to promote myself the old fashioned way. Something which hasn’t been going well to be honest; I had planned to campaign yesterday but ended up writing my statistics assignment in a dark corner of the college bar into the early hours while the JCR president taught everyone else to play something violent with a pack of cards.
I know I’m not the only one under pressure at the moment, although the callous behaviour of people in the library might suggest otherwise. I however, know that the true pulse of the student body comes not from boisterous business students, loudly proclaiming how little sleep they had last night. The true indicator is not to be found in the library at all, it’s to be found on the river.
This last week there have been far too many ducks on the river. Usually when I look out the window of the Waterside restaurant I am graced with the most beautiful sight on earth: ducks furiously and fearfully paddling as the outboard powered safety boat hurtles upstream to rescue a boat of novice rowers who have just forgotten what a centre of gravity is. I regret to report that this has not happened all week. Despite the rapidly improving weather conditions, I have only seen one rower actually rowing all week. This is because they are busy.
The boat club represents the crème de la crème of the college. These people are fit, organised and unfathomably well motivated. I caught one of them last week changing the inner tube on his bike at quarter to midnight. Why? Because he didn’t want to waste any daylight hours with this frivolous, non-rowing related task. Unsurprisingly the college has lavished money upon this discipline, providing the club with a fabulous fleet and each rower with a streamlined unitard. Actually, I don’t approve of the unitards. I mean, sure they are very sporty and very streamlined but they are lacking, well – aesthetically. They’re just so tight! You don’t know where to look. Or you do – that’s part of the problem. I’m getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it. It doesn’t help that I’m writing this in the library and ever so slightly drawing attention to myself.
Anyway, the point is that if even the rowers are struggling then you shouldn’t worry if you are too. Well I assume that they are struggling, it’s either that or they’re now spending all of their time at Maiden Castle in that new rowing Jacuzzi tank thing.
